


The Mercenary, the Whore, and the Baby Petus

by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)



Series: 25 Days of Spideypool Christmas 2020 [19]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bisexual Peter Parker, Butt Plugs, Christmas Smut, Condoms, Cunnilingus, Double Penetration, F/M, Gags, Light Bondage, M/M, Multi, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Possessive Wade Wilson, Rimming, Spanking, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, see story notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27909055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rons_pigwidgeon/pseuds/MsCaptainWinchester
Summary: Wade:u got xmas plans yet?Peter:Aren’t you doing the usual again this year?Wade::eggplant: :eggplant: :eggplant: YUP :winkey face: :winkey face: :winkey face:Shit.Peter:…and you want me to… watch?Wade:only if thats your thing, bbWade:Peter, this is Vanessa. Wade’s too nervous to say it outright, but I would very much like to watch him fuck you while I sit on your face. Or let me fuck Wade while you sit on his face. The options are endless. And we would very much like to try all of them with you for Christmas.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Vanessa Carlysle/Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Vanessa Carlysle/Wade Wilson
Series: 25 Days of Spideypool Christmas 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025320
Comments: 21
Kudos: 318





	The Mercenary, the Whore, and the Baby Petus

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!! This is the Christmas Porn Extravaganza that is my present, as promised! Based off of a prompt submitted anonymously to my tumblr ask box. The original prompt: _Spideypool Christmas. Vanessa/Wade/Peter. Vanessa tells Wade to invite Peter over for Christmas already. And Peter knows that Vanessa and Wade always have sex during holidays..._
> 
> I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO THANK MY BETA AND AN A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR IT. THANK YOU [Jukoist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jukoist/profile) FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE AND WONDERFUL AND HELPFUL AND TOLERATING MY DUMBASS ACCIDENTALLY MESSAGING YOU AT 3AM (fucking timezones man). I ADORE YOU.
> 
> Even though I had movie Vanessa and Michelle MJ in my head, I really didn't have any particular Peter or Wade in mind. I just really like the variations on the characters Vanessa and MJ in the movies, compared to their comics selves. Plus Michelle MJ's much more likely to be queer than Mary Jane Watson.
> 
> Tag Explanation: Peter doesn't use condoms with Wade, but does with Vanessa. He doesn't say so in the story, but the thought is Wade can't contract anything to pass on to him, so it's not necessary.

Peter stared at the text for five minutes before the words actually entered his brain. 

**Wade:** u got xmas plans yet?

With May gone and MJ spending the holiday with her in-laws and the Fantastic Four off on an interdimensional mission or whatever off-planet insanity they had going on, Peter really didn’t have plans for Christmas. He had been planning on spending part of the day volunteering at FEAST, and the rest out on patrol. But Wade had  _ specific  _ plans for Christmas, as he did for every holiday. He got joy out of telling Peter about it afterwards, in vivid and explicit detail. So why did he want to know what Peter was doing?

**Peter:** Not really. I’m working the soup kitchen, but was probably going to patrol after. Why?

**Wade:** Ness and I thought you might wanna come over 

On the surface, it was a simple question. Did Peter want to spend Christmas with Wade and his girlfriend? Thoughtful, but not unexpected from one best friend to another. Except Wade and Vanessa spent every holiday in an all-day sex marathon. Themed sex marathons, if the pictures Wade had shown him of holidays past were anything to go by. Were they not planning on doing that this year? 

Instead of answering—the only answer he could have come up with at the moment was a flurry of exclamation marks peppered with shocked emojis—he turned to his other best friend in a cry for help worthy of a high school lunchroom.

**Peter:** Wade just invited me to his place for Christmas. He’s not asking what I think he’s asking

**Peter:** Right?

MJ knew all about Wade and Vanessa sexcapades. Wade wasn’t shy about spreading the details to everyone in his general vicinity, friends-of-friends included. 

**MJ:** If you fuck Wade and Vanessa, I don’t want to know about it. 

**MJ:** Fuck it, yeah I do. Vanessa’s bangin’. 

**MJ:** Did you already tell him you’re going?

**MJ:** Do you want to go? That’s like… a complete change in relationship. 

**MJ:** Scratch everything I just said. You’re already in love with Wade. Having a one-day fuck-a-thon with him and Vanessa sounds like a plan to break your heart and stomp on the pieces later. Come make fun of my mil with me instead. She’ll love you. She’ll probably try to set you up with all three of her nieces. Maybe even her son, if you really impress her.

**Peter:** Thanks, but I don’t want to intrude on your family time. You really think they’re asking me to have a threesome with them?

**MJ:** You’re pretty hot for a nerd. Maybe their theme this year is giving to others. Or gymnastics. 

Peter bit his lip, thumb tapping a rhythm against the edge of his phone, thoughts wild. MJ wasn’t wrong about the heartbreak thing. He was so hopelessly in love with Wade it physically ached not being near him sometimes. The only reason he wasn’t jealous of Vanessa was because she was always as warm and inviting and devastatingly gorgeous as Wade was, and her jokes were even funnier. The two of them were made for each other, like two halves of a broken plate fused together with gold. Peter was happy to see how happy Wade was whenever he was with her, or talked about her, or looked at her picture on his phone. 

He had resigned himself to the idea of Wade never being his, of being content with being happy for his best friend’s happiness. And if he had occasionally imagined what it might be like to be with the two of them, sandwiched between their warm, naked bodies, enveloped in their arms, the center of their attention, well. That was his own private fantasy that he kept to himself. But if he were to agree to something like a one-off, to open himself up to them only to have that door shut gently in his face the next morning, it would likely crush his soul. The come-down from that kind of high wouldn’t be survivable. He’d have to move to a different city, a different planet even. Maybe a different reality, because Wade would be in this one, and Wade always knew how to find him. 

But on the other hand, could he say no? If what they were offering was really on the table, could he fold his hand and walk away? Would the knowing and not acting on that knowing be more devastating than acting on it and having his heart broken later? 

He kept thumbing at the screen, staring blankly at the photo in the background of him and Wade sharing a foot-long hot dog with the Statue of Liberty in the background and the sun just setting. Finally, he did the logical thing. There was no use pining over cards that weren’t even on the table.

**Peter:** Aren’t you doing the usual again this year?

There was a long pause, the little animated dots blinking as Wade typed, and Peter’s heart threatened to choke him by beating right up his throat and out of his body.

**Wade:** :eggplant: :eggplant: :eggplant: YUP :winkey face: :winkey face: :winkey face:

Shit. 

**Peter:** …and you want me to… watch?

**Wade:** only if thats your thing, bb

**Wade:** Peter, this is Vanessa. Wade’s too nervous to say it outright, but I would very much like to watch him fuck you while I sit on your face. Or let me fuck Wade while you sit on his face. The options are endless. And we would very much like to try all of them with you for Christmas. 

**Wade:** And possibly New Years. Wade says forever, but we’ll have to talk about that later.

Well, there was no way of misinterpreting that. Peter stared at the texts for another too-long moment, his brain blinking out like a set of fading Christmas lights. He must have taken too long staring blindly, because suddenly his phone was ringing and then he was picking it up before his brain could catch up with his fingers. 

“ _ Sweet Baby Petus, if this is a no, that’s totally fine. You don’t have to be nice about turning us down. Ness and I just really like you, and both really wanna touch the booty. Which you knew already. I think? Please talk. I haven’t been this nervous since I bought my first rocket launcher,”  _ Wade said in lieu of greeting.

“ _ You’re going to scare him off, sweetie. Take a deep breath, _ ” Peter heard Vanessa say in the background. 

“ _ But it’s Spidey, baby. I don’t want him to be too nice to say no and then never talk to us again after. I’m trying to be smart about my wooing _ .”

“ _ Smart about wooing is not something you’ve ever been, babe. Let’s sit down and let Peter say whatever he wants to say. _ ”

“ _ Okay, okay, you’re right. _ ” There was the sound of a sofa cushion squishing under Wade’s butt, and Peter heard him take a deep breath on the line. Peter’s own heart was pounding like the base at an EDM concert, but he tried to mimic Wade. “ _ Petey? You haven’t said anything yet. _ ”

“You didn’t leave me much room there. Also, I’m maybe freaking out?”

“ _ You don’t want to. I totally get it. I wouldn’t want to sit on this withered cactus either. Forget I asked? _ ”

“No, no, that’s not… can I talk to Vanessa for a minute?” Vanessa was better. Vanessa didn’t set his heart into the stratosphere. She made him calm somehow, settled in the same way Wade woke him up. 

“ _ Sure thing, sugar plum. Please don’t hate me forever, _ ” Wade said the last bit in a fast, jittery tone that did nothing to hide his own anxiety. Somehow, hearing it made Peter feel less anxious himself. There was the sound of the phone being moved, and then Vanessa’s calm voice. “ _ Hello Peter, how are you? _ ”

“Little overwhelmed? I’ve never gotten invited to a threesome before,” he lied, picking up a nearby pen and beginning to click the push depressor over and over again without noticing.

“ _ I know that’s a lie. You’re gorgeous. There’s no way hundreds of people haven’t tried to sit on your dick. But I get the sense that you’re on the fence about us. How about this: we’ll leave the door unlocked. You can come if you want, and if you don’t, we’ll forget we ever asked _ .”

It felt too casual to be anything but a fling, but he was still too on-edge to say more. What if he came off too strong? What if one of them might want long-term, but the other didn’t? Peter didn’t know Vanessa nearly well enough to say he was in love with her, but there was the spark of potential that he could be one day, and without Aunt May to worry about judging him, there was nothing stopping him from pursuing a polyamorous relationship. 

“Yeah, okay, that… that would be okay.”

“ _ Excellent. You know where the apartment is, right? _ ”

“Yeah, Wade gave me a key when I watered your plants that one time.”

“ _ Then, hopefully we’ll see you on Christmas. _ ”

Peter nodded even though she couldn’t see him and said a quick goodbye. After the call ended, he paced on the rooftop for half an hour. 

-

Peter could hear ‘Rockin’ ‘Round the Christmas Tree’ from the hall, just on the side of too loud for an apartment complex, but he had a feeling no one made noise complaints about Wade Wilson. He sucked in a deep breath, skin clammy with nerves, and knocked on the door loud enough to be heard over the music. 

A long moment later, he heard the creak of footsteps on hardwood approaching. Vanessa opened the door with a giant, toothy grin, her hair a tousled mess that said they’d already been at whatever they’d been doing for a while. “You made it! And look at you, all dressed up for us like our very own Christmas present to unwrap. And is that…” She eyed the pie in his hands with delight. “Oh babe, he brought us dessert! How sweet is that?” She called over her shoulder as she reached up to pinch Peter’s face between her fingers and pull him closer to peck him on the lips and coo at him.

“My aunt always told me to bring a gift when I went to other people’s houses,” Peter told her, cheeks warming.

“I’m gonna need you to stop right there or I’m going to throw you against the kitchen counter and fuck you before Wade even figures out you’re here. No one should be allowed to be that wholesome at a threesome. I’ll go set this down and you go find Wade. He’s a bundle of nerves waiting to find out if you’d come.” She took the pie from him and walked away towards their kitchen, her bare hips swaying enticingly. Peter only noticed then that she was only wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and a pair of teeny tiny black lace panties, a glint of something shining between her cheeks as she walked. Peter stared after her, brain function at zero. 

He only made his feet move towards the bedroom when she disappeared around the half-wall that blocked off their kitchen. His pulse sped up with every step closer to where Wade was waiting for them to… Oh god, was he really about to have sex with Wade? And Vanessa? Together? His thoughts started to spiral, and he found himself unable to move any further through the apartment. 

Bare footsteps padded across the living room to meet him, Vanessa’s soft laugh tickling his ear before her fingers did. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and nuzzled her nose into his neck, her soft breasts pressed against his back. “Did you get lost? The bedroom’s right over there.” She pointed in the direction of the dividing screen. 

“I know, I just…” He couldn’t finish the sentence, his heart hammering in his chest so hard it felt like it might burst through the skin and jump onto the floor. 

Vanessa walked around him, her playful expression turning serious as she took hold over his shoulders. He was a few inches taller than her, but somehow felt tiny in comparison. “If you’re having second thoughts, you don’t have to do this. I know we both laid it on pretty thick to get you here, and we’re both so, so excited that you came, but you don’t have to stay if you’re not comfortable doing this.”

The thought of not doing this, especially with how gorgeous Vanessa looked and how eager he was to find out why Wade hadn’t joined them in the hall yet, made panic of a different sort start to bubble in his throat. “I’m not having second thoughts. I’m just… nervous? This is a big step, and you’re both so much more experienced than I am. I don’t want to mess it up.”

Vanessa’s smile was back. She pushed the hair from his forehead and stroked his cheek, soothing some of his nerves with her gentle touch. “You could never mess anything up. You don’t have to be as experienced as Wade or I am—an argument could be made that it’s statistically unlikely that you could be given our history. You being here is enough.” 

She reached up on her toes to kiss him chastely, her mouth warm and plush against his. She pulled away with a flick of her tongue against his parted lips and a mischievous smirk. “Besides, you playing up that innocent routine’s all kinds of hot.” She winked at him and took his hand, guiding him around the screen that separated their living room and bedroom. 

The bed had been stripped of their comforter and most of the pillows, both left in a messy pile on the floor on the other side of the room. Wade was propped up in the middle of the bed with a wedge pillow under his hips and his hands tied to the headboard with tinsel. He wasn’t wearing anything but a headband with reindeer antlers and a hunter green plug with a base the width of three fingers. He perked up when he spied Peter, trying to talk, but his voice was muffled by a gag. 

Vanessa walked over with a tsking noise under her breath. “We might have gotten a little too kinky a little too quickly. We weren’t sure if you’d come or not, and Wade settles better when he’s restrained.” She unbuckled the gag from his mouth and untied the tinsel. 

Wade tried to stand with an excited, “Spidey!”, but Vanessa put a hand to his chest to stop him. 

“Be gentle. He’s nervous,” she warned, kissing him on the cheek.

Peter was still processing the scene by the time Wade was standing in front of him, naked and so much more impressive than Peter had ever imagined based on his suit. His muscles had muscles. The scars and mottled skin didn’t even distract from them. Peter wanted to put his hands all over him. Wade cupped Peter’s face in his hands, gazing down at him with the most affectionate serious expression Peter had ever seen on him. 

“Vanessa probably already told you, but if you change your mind at any time, just say so, and we’ll stop. I’m the happiest little unicorn in the whole wide world that you’re here, but if you decide you don’t want to be anymore, don’t hesitate to say so. Okay?”

“Yeah, of course. I know you’d never make me do anything I don’t want to.” Peter reached up to grip onto Wade’s wrists loosely, meeting his eyes with a nervous smile. His heart was a hummingbird inside his chest.

Wade grinned. And then he swooped down and took Peter’s mouth in the most spectacular, all-encompassing kiss of Peter’s life. Peter whimpered, opening up to Wade’s onslaught and doing his best to keep up. Behind him, small hands pulled his coat off him and reached around to unbutton his plaid button-down while Wade’s hands got in the way groping down his body. Wade sucked on his bottom lip until he whined, raising up on tiptoes to get that much closer. The button-down was pulled off his shoulders, followed by a wolf whistle by Vanessa.

“Damn, Peter, they should make anatomy illustrations on all these muscle groups,” she said, smoothing hands up his back muscles. 

Peter was still too caught up in Wade’s mouth to pay attention, but made an appreciative noise. Her nails dragged gently back down his skin, followed by soft lips and a tongue licking down the line of his trapezius muscle. Peter was already overheated and a little dizzy from the kissing, and got a little unbalanced as Vanessa pushed his jeans down his legs and helped him step out of them. Wade gripped him tight around the waist to steady him.

Vanessa stood again and pulled at his shoulder, making him turn away from Wade to kiss her, biting and a little feral where Wade had overwhelmed. 

“Can I eat you out?” he asked, cheeks flooding as he hid his face in her shoulder. He’d been thinking about it for weeks, since long before he’d gotten the invite. Wade talked about how beautiful her labia was and how responsive she was to a tongue, and Peter hadn’t been able to get it out of his head. 

“Only if you promise to fuck me after while Wade fucks my ass,” she replied, dragging manicured nails down the nape of his neck. She backed the two of them up to the bed and climbed on, scooting back to rest her back against the wedge pillow and opening up her legs to reveal soaked black lace. Peter followed her onto the bed, ensorcelled by how sexy she looked with the baggy sweater just meeting the edge of her panties. 

“It would be my honor,” Peter told her, pressing wet kisses up one thigh as his fingers walked over her hips to hook around the elastic. 

“So polite. Are you going to lick my pussy like a good little dirty boy now?” she purred, batting her eyelashes at him.

The words went straight to Peter’s dick. He groaned, scraping his teeth against the soft skin at the dip of her thigh leading into her panties. She gasped and jerked her hips up towards him, burying her hand in his hair and tugging him closer. 

The bed sunk down behind Peter and big hands stroked up his sides, rough skin brushing over his and sending tingles down his spine. “You said to be gentle,” Wade chided from above him. Warm lips pressed against his shoulder blade, followed by a hot tongue tracing the bone.

“He likes it, don’t you, Peter?” she said, scratching her nails into his scalp with a wink.

Peter flashed her a grin before sucking on the wet patch of lace covering her. He could taste a hint of her rich, salty flavor through the silk. He hooked a finger into the elastic and drew it aside, revealing glistening pink folds and a pert little clitoris that he immediately brushed a thumb over. Vanessa keened, her nails digging deeper into his scalp, pulling him closer. He licked her warm slit all the way up to the nub and sucked it gently into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it a few times, grinning at the way it made her twitch. Wade hadn’t been exaggerating.

“Our boy knows how to use that tongue, baby,” Vanessa purred from above him, voice starting to strain under his mouth. 

Wade was busy sucking kisses down Peter’s spine to the cleft of his ass, but he lifted his mouth off to say, “Yeah? He licking your pussy good?” 

“Mmm, his mouth should be classified as a weapon.” She shifted her hips into Peter’s face, dropping her head back with a deep moan as he sucked harder on her clit and stroked his fingers along the outsides of her labia. 

Behind him, Wade resumed his kissing, smacking Peter’s ass gently as he drew closer to the waist of Peter’s boxer-briefs. His fingers dragged at the fabric, tugging it down until it caught on his hips and then sucking on the divot at the small of Peter’s back. Peter lifted up onto his knees to give Wade room, keeping his focus on Vanessa’s pleasure. 

Wade started shimmying them down Peter’s hips in short order, making happy noises with each inch of new skin that was revealed. Peter eventually had to climb onto his knees to help get the underwear off, and took a moment to drag Vanessa’s panties down her long legs and off as well. She gave him a mischievous smile and tugged the sweater down teasingly to hide her exposed skin, giggling when Peter dove back in with renewed vigor and pushed her hands and sweater out of the way. 

He got back to sucking on her clit, flicking it over and over with his tongue as he trailed fingers down her labia again and dipped two fingertips into her wet opening. He met no resistance and slid them both in easily, crooking them to press against her g-spot. Vanessa curled in around his head like a dying insect and keened, fingers digging back into his hair until it hurt. He kept going, grinning around her clit. 

Wade had been suspiciously quiet since the underwear came off, touching Peter at his hip with soft fingertips but otherwise not doing anything. Peter tilted his head to try to see over his shoulder and found Wade entranced, eyes firmly locked on the sight of Peter’s ass in the air, his hole dry and exposed. Peter made an inquiring noise without pulling off Vanessa, fluttering his fingers in a come-hither motion that had her yelling curses and flushed. 

The noise must have been enough to pull Wade out of his stupor because he shot Peter a heated look over his shoulder and climbed onto the floor behind him, one hand slapping the round globe of his ass while the other pulled him open. “Most perfect ass in the world. Am I allowed to taste such delicacies?” he teased, hovering low over Peter’s ass and trailing his thumb closer to Peter’s hole. A jolt went through Peter and he whined, pushing his ass back into Wade’s hands.

“Please,” he pleaded, gasping against Vanessa’s folds. 

A hot tongue dragged up his crack from perineum to taint, sending a happy shiver down Peter’s spine. On the next swipe, Wade tongued his balls first, laving them with his tongue until they were damp and trailing wet kisses up the same strip of skin to Peter’s pucker, which was clenching in anticipation of Wade’s mouth on him. 

Vanessa’s nails dug into his scalp again, reminding him that he’d gotten distracted. He nipped at her clit in apology and brush a thumb over the gem base of the plug in her ass and got back to work, but it was hard to concentrate with the enthusiastic way Wade tackled his ass. 

Wade seemed to know all of Peter’s most sensitive spots and hit them with pinpoint accuracy. His hands were trembling as he fingered Vanessa’s g-spot, too weak to hold a decent rhythm so he focused on using his mouth to bombard her clit until she was shaking out an orgasm, crying out in surprise as she squirted out onto the sheets, Peter’s hands, his face. He pulled back in surprise, licking the fluid off his face curiously. It tasted of nothing and everything at once. He’d never made a woman squirt before.

Vanessa growled at him, grabbing his face and pulling him up to hers to kiss him dirty, her legs clamping onto his sides like a vice as she ravished his mouth. “Knew it’d be good, but fuck baby, Wade didn’t even make me squirt the first time,” she said between gasping breaths against his mouth. Her eyes burrowed into his, glinting with an inner fire that made him hot all over. At the same time, Wade dipped his first finger into Peter’s ass and curled it against his prostate, making him yelp. Vanessa grinned feral and kissed him again. 

The finger soon turned into two, curling and twisting inside him until he felt like a firecracker, Wade sucking on his balls, tonguing at his perineum, nipping at the stretched skin around his fingers as he opened him up. 

Peter was a panting mess when he pulled away from Nessa, trying to look at Wade over his shoulder but only able to see the top of his bald head. “If you don’t want me to come from just this, you need to fuck me now. I’m too close…” he warned. 

Wade smacked his ass a little harder than expected, making him jump, and raised his head with a predatory grin. “Too much for you, baby boy?”

Peter nodded weakly, shifting his hips up and back into Wade’s chest with a little whine. Wade’s fingers slipped out of him, and he sat back on his heels, reaching onto the bedside table for the bottle of lube and a condom. Vanessa wriggled out from under Peter and shifted onto her knees, helping Peter situate himself with the pillow under his hips. Wade leaned over Peter’s shoulder with a steadying hand on his ass to kiss him gentle, the bells on his headband jingling. “You ready for me?”

“Mhmm,” Peter murmured, nodding.

“Condoms?” Vanessa asked, holding one up from the bedside table. 

Peter shook his head, distracted by the movement behind him. Wade pressed a few more kisses to his cheek and neck, trailing them down his shoulder while his hand pulled open his cheeks again. Warm lube dribbled onto his hole and down his crack. The spongy head of a cock rubbed against it, spreading the lube around. Peter canted his hips up a little, spreading his legs wide to make more room. Wade sank home a few moments later, sinking in slow and cautious. Peter groaned at the stretch, so much wider than his fingers. The ridges on his shaft caught against Peter’s rim and sparked new jolts with every new inch, until Wade’s balls rested against his, and he was so thoroughly filled that he could barely keep his breath. 

Peter’s eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth fell open, making him look like every cum-drunk whore on PornHub, but he didn’t care. Wade’s cock was filling him in ways he didn’t even know he could be filled. His toes curled in the air and he reached back to grip onto Wade’s neck, pulled him close as Wade rocked into him even deeper. “Oh fuck yeah, that’s so good,” Peter whined, biting his lip, eyes shut so tight he felt light-headed. Wade sucked kisses into the side of his neck, plastered over him like the hottest, hardest blanket, hips slowly gaining speed as he thrust short and sharp into Peter. The shifting ridges of Wade’s shaft rubbed perfectly against Peter’s prostate, sending him into a helpless spiral of shocked pleasure. 

“I knew your ass would feel good, but I never let myself guess just how good, baby boy. You clench onto me so perfect. So tight. So warm.” He emphasized each compliment with a sharp thrust, grunting as he reached new depths with each. 

Peter was too high to speak, his entire body abuzz and trembling and so close to coming he could feel it in his throat. Wade raised onto an elbow to give his thrusts a little more depth and the change in angle was just enough to hurtle Peter over the edge into a blinding orgasm. “OH FUCK,” he shouted so loud they could probably hear him on the street as he spilled cum all over the mattress pad. He squeezed around Wade like a vice, clenching onto his cock so hard he could hear the strain in Wade’s breathing. When his body finally relaxed, the release must have been enough to push Wade over, because he felt a gush of warmth fill him as Wade made a strangled noise and buried his face in Peter’s shoulder. 

“Fuck, Webs,” Wade sighed into his ear as he relaxed against Peter’s back, still buried deep inside him. 

Peter chuckled, raising a shaky hand up to cup the back on Wade’s head. “I think you broke me for other people. That was… I can’t even describe how good that was.”

“Just means we get to keep you forever, then. What a tragedy,” Wade murmured, nosing at Peter’s shoulder like a cat. 

“I don’t know how we’ll cope,” Vanessa said, bending in half to peck Peter on the lips while fluffing his hair. “We’ll definitely have to buy a sturdier pillow, though.” She pulled the pillow out from under Peter’s hips to reveal that it was now ripped almost in half, the indents of Peter’s fingers still buried in the memory foam. Peter buried his head in his hands in embarrassment. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it.

“Small price to pay,” Wade said, pecking Peter’s shoulder. 

“I’m giving you both five minutes to recover before it’s my turn,” Vanessa told them, pulling her sweater over her head and throwing it across the room, her small breasts bouncing with the movement. 

Peter had a sudden urge to get his mouth on one, but he found himself being manhandled around onto his back before he could reach her and looked up to Wade hovering over him with a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Five whole minutes to recover sounds like five minutes I get to use kissing you stupid,” he said, leaning down to do just that. 

“You already kind of did that,” Peter told him, but didn’t protest his mouth getting taken over again. 

By the time he was let up for air again, Vanessa was fingering lube into her ass, cheeks spread for them to see as she leaned against the headboard. The plug was sitting next to her, glinting silver in the Christmas lights. “Finally, thought I’d lost you both,” she teased, smirking at them both over her shoulder. “Get over here.” 

Peter scrambled up onto his knees and crawled over to her, kissing up her spine until she grabbed him by the back of the neck and pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. “You have a promise to keep,” she told him, holding him down by his shoulders with a shark’s grin. Peter had never had a fear boner before, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. He felt a hand on his dick and looked down to see Wade sliding a condom on him, stroking slowly with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He leaned down to wrap his lips around the head, swallowing around it until Peter whined and pushed his hips up. 

Vanessa pushed Wade’s face out of the way with a tsking sound. “You can have your fun deep-throating him later. My turn,” she reminded him, raising up on her knees so she could sink down on Peter’s dick in Wade’s stead, moaning her satisfaction as she sank all the way down. “Mmm, just as good as I thought it’d be,” she told Peter, leaning down to kiss him as she slowly started riding him. Peter’s senses were still a little haywire from his first orgasm, enough to make him have to close his eyes and think of the Alien eggs hatching to stop himself from cumming again too quickly. 

He was just calming down again and starting to thrust up to meet Vanessa’s movements when he felt a pressure against the base of his cock inside her, a resistance that pushed against him. He looked up as Vanessa groaned, throwing her head back, to find Wade behind her, kneeling between Peter’s legs. Peter couldn’t quite see it, but the movement confirmed Wade was pushing into her ass, rubbing against Peter’s dick through the thin wall separating them. It was so much warmer and tighter inside her when Wade bottomed out. She clenched around them both with a little gasp, arching her hips to test out the feel of them both inside her. 

She dug her fingers into Peter’s hair and pulled his head back in a sharp hold. “Fuck me like you mean it, baby face. I wanna feel you both in my  _ throat _ .” 

A surge of want hit Peter with the words and he grabbed onto her waist, snapping his hips up sharp to meet Wade’s forward thrust, making her howl. She pulled hard at his hair, meeting them both as they found a back-and-forth rhythm that worked to make her scream. She started shaking and curling in on herself with orgasm in short order, but that didn’t stop Wade from fucking hard into her, so Peter didn’t let up either. 

It was incredible feeling the way her walls contracted and shifted between them with each thrust, so warm and tight around him. Feeling Wade push against him, the scratch of his thighs against Peter’s, his big hands threading with Peter’s on her hips. It all became too much, and Peter fell apart, thrusting up erratically as his orgasm took over. Wade took longer, continue to fuck her hard through both their orgasms, his fingers digging into Peter’s as his own thrusts became sharper, faster. Peter would have been unconscious, but Vanessa grinned above him, enjoying herself in a violent way Peter didn’t understand but found mesmerizing to watch. 

When Wade finally slammed home for the final time, she growled her pleasure, snapping her teeth like a wolf while Wade bit into her shoulder to muffle his scream. It was the most feral thing Peter had ever witnessed, and he once had sex on a beam 600ft in the air.

When it was over, they both collapsed on top of him, settling around him like two buns around a burger. “Are you okay?” Peter asked, turning his head to check on Vanessa. She had a blissful smile on her face as she traced a scar on Wade’s arm over Peter’s chest. 

“More than. You sweet boy, thinking I haven’t had three dicks in me at once and walked away just fine.” She booped his nose with giggle and curled closer to him. 

“…Three?”

“Mmhmm. I’m sure if you played your cards right, we could make it happen for you, too. Right, baby?” Vanessa looked over at Wade, who was busy snuffling in Peter’s hair and clearly not listening. 

“We’ve got enough dildos, sure,” he said, distracted.

“Or Logan could come over again? Piotr might be too big to make it feasible. I don’t think we could convince Kurt to ‘subvert the sweet Spider-Man’,” she said, using a silly fake German accent while giggling into Peter’s shoulder. 

Wade still didn’t look up, but muttered, “No additions. We’re good like this.”

Vanessa’s eyes trained back on Wade, an eyebrow raising along with a smirk. “We’ll talk about it,” she said, giving Peter a wink. Peter was still a little caught up in the dopamine high of two orgasms in under an hour to really track the exchange, but that was okay. Vanessa was playing with his ear and Wade was combing fingers through his hair, and he was nice and warm and content.

“Don’t sleep for too long, gorgeous. That was only round one,” Vanessa told him, amusement in her voice. 

Peter nodded, already drifting off, only to suddenly register what she’d said. “Round one??”

-

By the time they were ready to sleep for real, Peter was wrung out and more exhausted than he’d ever been from a fight, but so full of endorphins he was having trouble settling down. He was once more sandwiched between the two of them, Vanessa on one side and Wade on the other. 

Vanessa grinned up at Wade over Peter’s shoulder. “Merry Christmas, baby,” she said, leaning over Peter to kiss him. 

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Wade repeated, kissing her back while Peter watched from his place tucked between them. Vanessa gave Peter a soft kiss, too, then cuddled into his back and went to sleep. 

Peter was still a little too buzzed from the experience to settle himself. He looked up at Wade and found him looking right back. “Thank you for inviting me,” Peter said, smiling shyly. 

Wade cupped a big hand over the back of his head, stroking his hair from his face with a thumb. “I still can’t believe you came.”

“I almost turned around on Nichols and went back to the train. Only didn’t because I thought about kissing you and how much I wanted to.” 

“This ole raisin face? Don’t know why when Ness is right there.” Wade wrinkled his nose, but Peter didn’t have time for self-deprecating comments. He curled closer to Wade and threw a leg over his hip. 

“Your face is my present. Don’t ruin it,” Peter told him, reaching up to nudge their noses together before kissing him. 

Wade made a wounded noise and pulled Peter flush against him, hand wrapping around his hip while his other buried in Peter’s hair, deepening their kiss. 

They might have made out for five minutes or an hour, Peter couldn’t tell and didn’t care. Even thoroughly fucked out, he was flushed with desire when he pulled away. Wade’s lips were swollen, his expression just as dazed and blissed-out as Peter’s likely was. “You’re the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten,” Wade told him, holding him tight. 

Peter smiled, stomach fluttering as he stroked a hand over Wade’s bare scalp.  _ I love you  _ is what he wanted to say, but night one was probably a bit too soon for that. “You, too,” he said instead, heart swelling as Wade swooped in for another kiss.

-

Peter woke the next afternoon to a myriad of pleasant aches and pains not unlike waking up after a long fight, but a thousand times more pleasant. Wade was wrapped around him, his face buried in Peter’s shoulder, but Vanessa was sitting on the other side of the bed in a pair of pajamas shorts and a t-shirt that clearly belonged to Wade, a forkful of pumpkin pie lifting to her mouth. 

Peter stretched as far as he could with Wade still plastered to his back and yawned a big good morning to Vanessa. She smiled at him with chipmunk cheeks and squinty eyes and handed over his phone. “Good morning to you, too. Someone’s been texting you for a couple hours now. I hope you’re not planning to ditch us for another date.”

Peter took the phone with a confused frown and thumbed it open. “I only have like eight friends, and half of them are in another universe right now.” But he did have several texts from MJ and one from Johnny.

“Well, you better not be fucking any of them or Wade might make a home visit. We share with each other no problem, but I don’t think he’s going to want to share you with anyone else.” She forked a mouthful of pie and held it out for him to eat with a wink. He took the bite off her fork with an appreciative noise and chewed it, mind stuck on the idea of Wade being jealous. Of Wade wanting to be with Peter enough to be jealous. His cheeks were warm when he opened the first thread. 

Johnny sent him a Christmas greeting with a picture of the entire team and kiddos wearing matching pajamas in an alien-looking room with a couch that looked like it grew out of the ground and a fireplace with blue fire. Peter was going to need an entire carafe of coffee to contemplate how Johnny had even managed to send it. He turned the phone to show Vanessa before navigating over to MJ’s messages. 

**MJ:** So? Was the Wilson/Carlysle Christmas Extravaganza all it’s been hyped up to be?

**MJ:** Betty wants to know what their apartment looks like

**MJ:** I’m going to assume you’re either in the middle of activities I don’t want to know about or asleep

**MJ:** I’ll tell you about my Christmas then while I wait

**MJ:** Betty’s uncle got drunk and fell into the fruitcake. I was the only one not upset about it because apparently B’s family are crazy fruitcake people

**MJ:** Who LIKES fruitcake???

**MJ:** Also this happened

The next message was a link to a Tik Tok of a guy getting on one knee and holding up a ring to Betty’s cousin, Taylor. Peter hadn’t seen them since high school, but he hadn’t thought they were dating anyone. Instead of being excited, they just stared down at the guy and said No in the most ‘you’re an idiot wtf’ voice Peter had ever heard. 

**MJ:** He left sobbing. They’d been dating for a month

**Peter:** You moved in with Betty a week after your first date

**MJ:** That’s practically married in lesbian Peter. We’ve talked about this

**MJ:** Plus my lease was up and she had better rent control

**MJ:** don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re not answering about your Christmas plans

**Peter:** I just woke up

**MJ:** ….???

**Peter:** You know how Wade sometimes goes on those long rants about how much he loves the Real House Wives that lasts like 3 hours? And there’s like confetti and surprise balloons and an air horn and choreographed interpretive dance?

**MJ:** That good, huh Are you capable of getting out of bed?

**Peter:** Probably not.

**MJ:** Is this a one-time thing or are you officially a part of a thruple?

Peter hated that term. It just sounded weird in his head. But he also didn’t know how to answer the question. Was he in a polyamorous relationship now or was this just a fling?

While Peter tried to figure out the answer, a hand snatched the phone from him and started texting for him. When Wade slid the phone back into his hands, he’d sent MJ three messages.

**Peter:** were never letting him out of bed again

**Peter:** he lives here now already started shopping for rings last night

**Peter:** also yovonna never recorded the other woman and nene knows it

Peter turned around in Wade’s arms to find him wide awake and reaching up to comb through Peter’s hair. “You don’t really want me to move in,” he said.

“Already hired a moving company and gave them your keys.”

Panic wiped every one of Peter’s good feelings out. His suit was out in plain sight. His gadgets. There was no denying he was Spider-Man if there were really—

“Wade did no such thing. We would never invade your privacy like that without asking first, would we, Wade?” Vanessa cut in, brandishing her fork at Wade.

Wade deflated, pouting. “It’s true, Ness wouldn’t let me. But if you’re interested, I’ll call them. I’ve got their number in my phone just in case.”

“Why don’t you go get breakfast started, and we can talk about it over bacon?” Vanessa asked.

Peter’s stomach settled a little and the fight or flight instinct drained from him. “Bacon sounds amazing.”

“I’ll make you all the bacon in the world, sweetums.” Wade told him, kissing him fast and hard before slipping out of bed and padding out the bedroom door completely naked.

“He’s going to get an apron, right?” Peter asked, turning to Vanessa.

She shrugged. “Probably.”

Half an hour later there was a mountain of bacon, coffee, and Wade in an apron so frilly it might as well have been a dress. It was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not consent to my stories being listed on Goodreads or other book platforms.
> 
> If you want writing updates from me, you can follow me on Twitter [@RonsPigwidgeon](https://twitter.com/RonsPigwidgeon), [Tumblr](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/), [NewTumbl](https://mscaptainwinchester.newtumbl.com/), or [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/MsCaptainWinchester).
> 
> And if you'd like to come yell about my main ship, Spideypool, with me, join the 18+ Discord server I co-mod, [Isn't It Bromantic](https://discord.gg/w6UyAn7)!


End file.
